There could be no other number one. All apologies to It’s a Wonderful Life, as America’s top Christmas movie, you had a wonderful run, but the new king of Christmas is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. The story of the Griswolds’, namely Clarks’, pursuit of an old fashioned family Christmas is an American Classic, fully deserving of the top-spot in my list.
At his core, Clark W. Griswold is a romantic. He’s a man who believes in the old fashioned notion of Christmas being a magical time, where all differences are put aside and family can come together for the celebration of the season. Midway through Christmas Vacation we find Clark locked in the attic watching old home movies of Christmas days gone-by, peering with rose-colored glasses at a 1950s ideal of family and happiness contained within the short clips of celluloid documenting his youth. Fittingly, just as real life gets in the way of his futile attempt to make his fantasy Christmas come true, his reminiscing is abruptly cut short by a family member unlocking the attic, thus dropping him from his perch.
The scene is a perfect microcosm of the whole film. Clark, in an attempt to construct another facet of his perfect “Griswold Family Christmas” goes into the attic to hide gifts. Unfortunately, he bungles this, like he does all things and ends up locked in the attic while his family is off shopping. But in true Clark Griswold fashion he makes the best of his situation and starts to piece together something that resembles a good time, only to have that ruined by another member of his family.
Much of Christmas Vacation follows this pattern as it follows Clark while he hosts his extended family in what he hopes will be the perfect Christmas. In his pursuit, inevitably everything that can go wrong does, but Clark’s best of intentions make for a touching, funny film that has held up well in the 20 years since its release. The movie’s timelessness rests heavily on the transcendent story of a man wanting the best for his family and even more-so on the sheer quote-ability of the movie. There have been numerous times where I’ve been with friends or family and if one line comes up, then everyone else starts chiming in with lines from the rest of the scene. This may be the most quotable movie ever made. I could go on further about the movie, but I’m going it speak for itself, with some of its best lines.
“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”
“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”
“Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…”
“Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”
“Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.”
“Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.”
“You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.”
“That’s pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you into a…”
“So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll fall. But I don’t think we’re lucky enough for him to break his neck.”
And the coup de grace:
“Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?”
Filed under: Movies | Tagged: Beverly D'Angelo, Chevy Chase, Christmas, Christmas Movies, Clark Griswold, Cousin Eddie, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Randy Quaid steals every scene he’s in…
Nice blog!
“And why is the carpet all wet, TODD?!”
“I don’t KNOW, Margo!”
PS: This was the director’s first film. Should’ve been his last. Here are some films that followed:
Benny & Joon (1993)
Tall Tale: The Unbelievable Adventures of Pecos Bill (1995)
and then a bunch of really shitty TV shows and Van Halen videos.